how did it feel like huh??

it's already been almost 11 years...
time flies so fast..
from a boy to an adult..
until i'm not clearly know the meaning..
of to be loved by my own parent..
how did it feel like huh??

love from nenek, aunties, uncles and big family are way different..
coz i respect the love as a big family..
I accept the love respectively..coz they sincere to do so..
but from my past mom and dad..
i didn't remember how did it feel..

just wondering, how my parent would celebrate my big exam results like UPSR, PMR, SPM
and now will be graduating soon..
will they crying?? hug me tightly?? smile widely??
wish any inspiring words??
buy me dinner or what??
curiosity kills me..

still remember..
abah used to buy me new racket, racing control car and soccer boot after i scored well in my final exam..
abah used to buy us dinner outside when all his kids did a good job..
mak used to hug us and gave kiss to all her kids..
and mak would cook us special food for that too..

when Along studied in SDAR in his form one..
Abah and Mak once brought all of us to pizza hut..
pizza hut was expensive at that time..especially to us..budak felda..
even to get KFC was also hard..
their salaries are not that big..coz both of them preferred to save more that spend more..
their treat still way different..coz there were sweet memories there..

after they passed away,
i can say that until now on i haven't been celebrated my birthday properly..
no one remembers except my siblings..
five years in SDAR..
1 and half years in KBU..
and 4 years in Melbourne..
no one remembers..
coz my birthday is too early in the calendar year..
just help preparing my friends birthday all the times..
besides, my siblings are not together for the whole time..
we spend time far away from each other after my parent passed away..
and now there is no need to celebrate my birthday anymore..
coz i dont feel it.. to be celebrated..

during my childhood time, abah and mak would buy me or do anything to celebrate my birthday..
there would be a cake..gifts..and delicious food..
close neighbours were invited too..hilarious party..
there was a time when it supposed to be me cut my cake..
but kakak cried loudly to cut first..her desired to cut was way too high..
even it was not her birthday yet.. lol..
she was so cute at that time with the cone hat..
that was my last birthday party i think.. when I was 11 years old..

so..still wonder..how are they going to appreciate me now if both mak and abah still alive??
miss them so much..
May Allah bless them in the world hereafter..